Casey's Blog

So all these major issues that I have been disclosing with you, have a major impact on my life as you can possibly see but without friends and mostly family I would have struggled to get through these things. One thing that I have learned is that you can’t do anything on your own, somewhere along the line you will need someone to help you and its admitting this that makes you the survivor. It shows that you know your own strengths but it also shows that you know where you need help. Admitting that you need the help is one of the hardest things because you want to be strong and you want to believe that you can do it on your own. There is nothing wrong with being strong and holding it in but there will come to a point when you need to explode because your forcing those feelings down and you just need to say how you feel. Acting strong is great because it almost gives you the feeling that you are strong but everyone has to break at some point and there is nothing wrong from being wea

One thing that I have cared about too much over the last 3 or 4 years is my weight and my figure. This is something that gets to me because I want to be the perfect weight and I want to look good in anything that I want to wear. Its not something that I really can explain other than the fact that I wish to be perfect, I guess you could say that I'm a perfectionist.  Originally, I used to run to control this because it used to stop me from stressing out, as I was able to control my weight but also I was able to have time to reflect on anything that was bringing me down. After a while, I just stopped for no reason in particular but I could never get back into it. I have always wanted to get back into it but whenever I try, I always find it too hard. When I was doing my GSCE’s my weight was something that I wanted to control because I couldn’t control the things that were going on around me, as you can probably tell I am a bit of a control freak. However, I dealt with this in

1)     Reality Sometimes I expect arguments to lead to a hit or for me to be hurt because of those times and there is nothing that I can do but try and move through the stormy wave to find a peaceful place. Due to the fact that the only times that my abuser was abusive was when me and my sisters caused arguments and this is why I fear them so much because I expect it. I find that I always coward myself away from them because who wants that to happen, I don’t want to feel unsafe around anyone. It can happen around anyone. The thing is it’s a matter of trust and realisation that no one wants to hurt me and therefore no one is going to hurt me anymore. I need to move aside the fear and the hurt, and realise that the argument isn’t going to lead to abusive punishment. Over time I have become better at this but it hasn’t been easy. Years ago, whenever me and my mum got in arguments, which was a regular occurrence because as much as I hate to admit it we are very similar, I